This is a video by PhilCommander2 on YouTube on negative word association and autism. He explains way better than I have ever been able to why we have to be careful about the words we choose to use because they set a pattern in the way we think of people.
I have mentioned this frequently when talking to people about my son. I’ve told them that he is not “broken”, just different, so don’t treat him that way. Just they other day I ran into an old friend who I had found out he was an ABA therapist. We were talking about ABA and he asked why I was so interested in it. Well the last time we had talked was before I had children so I told him that my youngest son was autistic. His first response was “I’m sorry”. Just like that … immediately he was offering condolences as if I had said he died in a tragic accident or something. I looked right at him and said don’t be, I’m not.
Yes, my son has difficulties, but we all have difficulties. It just goes back to one more time were he is viewed as less, and someone to pity. I wish my son could really talk to me. I know one day he will and I will ask him why he laughs and why what he loves what he loves. I long for the day so I can better understand him. But no matter what I wan him to know he is not broken, damaged, disabled, flawed or impaired.
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March 31, 2008 at 12:39 pm
lookingforlifeshumor
I remember when a friend of ours had a baby. A few days after he was born the Dr. told my friend that their new son had Down’s Syndrome. As our friend started to tell friends and family, one woman, upon hearing the news, said “Oh, you are so lucky!” My friend was taken aback. The woman continued with “Your son will be so happy and affectionate. Down’s Syndrome can be wonderful.”
This certainly wasn’t a comment that my friend was expecting. But it is one that has stayed with her (and with me) ever since.
I can’t say that I would wish Autism on anyone, but I can say that Autism made me a better person and that I treasure this strange journey we are on with our son.
April 3, 2008 at 7:53 am
javaverses
lookingforlifeshumor – thank you for your comment. I know what you mean, I wouldn’t wish the difficult times on anyone, but life is difficult regardless. Autism is part of who my son is, but it’s not who he is. I wouldn’t change him, but I will always want to help him, because he is my son, not because he is autistic.